I was so excited to finally be able to work out in a real gym. I imagined a new svelte me in cute little work-out clothes looking like a million bucks. Okay, I would have been happy just looking better, feeling better, wearing smaller clothes.
I began this adventure nearly 18 months ago. I can honestly say I do enjoy working out. I have gained muscle. I am more flexible. I am stronger. I feel better. Have I lost any weight? Absolutely not. If anything I have gained. So I go to the gym, work up a sweat, and still have not found that svelte person living inside of me. What gives?
When I started, I knew there was more for me to gain than physical muscle. I asked the Lord to teach me spiritual truths. Honestly, though, I have focused mainly on the physical aspect of it.
So why am I not losing weight after working out so much? If more muscle is being produced and I am expending more energy, I should lose, shouldn't I? I figured there must be something more I need to learn. I knew it was more about a spiritual lesson than a physical. But hey, if I learn it, it should help in the natural realm too. I think I'm ready.
The simple truth is, it is not enough (at least not for me) to just work out. I can't just add strenuous exercise, contrary to the opinion of some, and expect to lose weight. Maybe I'm too old, maybe I'm eating more. (Doubt that.) In any case, it doesn't matter. What matters is I have to change my eating habits. I'm not sure yet, but I believe I can do this one of many ways. (I'll let you know if I'm wrong on this one once I figure it out.) I can cut back on my portion sizes, cut back on carbs, cut fat,cut out desserts...basically, something needs to be carved out of what is now considered my regular dietary intake. The result will be, a thinner me. A fitter me will emerge.
So what is the lesson to be learned? I've been at this Christian walk a long time. When I began this walk 22+ years ago, my life was a mess. I was totally out-of-shape spiritually. As I began to exercise my faith, I began to grow. The more I prayed and spent time with God, the more I wanted to pray. I couldn't get enough time alone with Him. I would read my bible every chance I could. I attended church every time the doors were open and shared my faith with anyone who would listen. Along with spiritual exercise, I found that I carried a lot of extra baggage in my life that needed to be gotten rid of. Little-by-little, the Lord began to reveal things that I needed to eliminate. Sometimes they were annoying habits. Others were old coping skills that I no longer needed if I was really going to depend on God. I remember having a hard time saying no to salespeople. I'd end up buying something I didn't need. Afterwards I'd be very angry at myself. After one particularly frustrating purchase, I finally asked the Lord why I gave in to this temptation so often.
He showed me that my real desire was to feel worthy. If someone spent the time to talk to me, show me a product, make the effort to "sell" me, then I owed it to him to buy. I felt the time of others was more valuable than mine so if they spent their time on me, the least I could do was pay them for it. I know this must sound insane, but I truly had so little self-worth, that is what I believed. And what an amazing God to reveal this and then begin to speak to me about how much He values me. He walked me through the steps of not giving in to pressure by giving me worth. In doing so, I was able to throw off another weight that I was carrying around.
The more weights I threw off, the freer I became. Talk about spiritual fitness! I was doing spiritual sprints, spiritual marathons. You name it, I was more than ready to do the work-outs in order to train for these marathons. I was more than ready to give up excess baggage to run this race faster.
So how does this all fit in now? Sometimes the truth hurts. I needed an honest evalution of my spiritual life. I have found, no matter how long you've been in this Christian walk, there will always be more training needed. There are new areas to exercise our faith. And as much as we've already cut out of our lives or changed, there will always be weights we either haven't seen before or new ones we've picked up along the way or even old ones we've gone back to that need to be discarded. We can never think we've arrived, or that all we need to do is exercise our faith and that is enough.
I have to start changing my eating habits. As I do, I need to be open to other changes in my life that I have neglected to see. Those things the Lord knows are weights even if I think they are benefits. Dessert might be a dainty morsel but bring about extraordinary weight. I have to ask myself is it worth it? It is time to lose, in order to gain.
"Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30
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