Need Help

This morning after church I walked into the women's restroom. In front of me, a gentleman was pushing his wife's wheelchair into the restroom. I wondered to myself if he was going to go all the way in with her. But he stopped just inside the door.

I could tell she was struggling to move the chair herself, so I asked if she needed any assistance. She gladly accepted my offer. I pushed the chair to the back of a long line of waiting ladies. It was then that I began to question proper etiquette. Normally, when one stands in this line you wait for a stall door to open. Once open, you take your turn in whatever stall opens up. But wait, when this lady gets to the front of the line, it won't matter which stall door opens, she will only be able to use one. Does this restroom even have a wheelchair accessible stall? I felt so terribly inept at helping this lady. I mumbled something about where the stall was and peaked around the corner to see if there was one and if it was available. Yes, the first stall was wheelchair accessible, but it was already occupied by someone in a wheelchair. In a moment, we were in the front of the line. As stall doors began to open, I spoke to those waiting behind us to go ahead. And we waited. Were we blocking access to people leaving by where we were parked? Should I stand in front so we could carry on a conversation? Was she going to need help once inside the stall? I hated the panicked feeling of not having a better understanding of how to help someone in a wheel chair.

The stall door swung open and two ladies came out; one pushing the other in a wheelchair. She must have needed help once in there. They manuevered around us, or at least tried to. At one point the other pusher told me I needed to go ahead and push the chair forward so they could get around us. I opened the stall door and tried to push the chair forward, but the door did not want to stay open. I nearly caught her foot on the door. How do you do this? I couldn't reach the door to hold it while I pushed, should I try to back in? But if I back in, I will be trapped in the corner by the chair, then what? I did the best I could, fumbling about and go her beside the commode. I asked her where the easiest place to be was, and she said facing the other direction.

Thankfully, the stall was just big enough for me to turn her around so she was more beside the commode, then I squeezed myself past her and asked if she needed further assistance. She said she just needed to put the locks on the chair so it wouldn't move while she was getting in and out. I told her I would use the restroom myself and come back to help her. As I am closing the stall door, I wondered if I could latch it from the outside. No such luck. So I closed it the best I could. While in another stall, I hear someone open her door, apologies and such and I sat there feeling so terribly inadequate to help. Should I have locked the wheels for her or would it have just taken longer since I had no clue how to do it? She looked so frail, how was she going to manage all in there?

As I was washing my hands, I looked around for a lower sink that she would be able to reach from her chair. There wasn't one. Would she be able to reach the sink? I searched in my person and found I had a small bottle of waterless hand sanitizer. Good! I could always offer her that if she couldn't reach the sink. When I was finished I walked to the door of her stall. I told her I was there if she needed anything.

While I was waiting, a friend that I hadn't seen in awhile came in. We exchanged greetings and into a stall she went. I was hoping that this lady finished soon, as I was afraid it would be awkward if my friend came out and began chatting to me. What if I didn't hear the lady say she was finished and needed help? This friend tends to be long-winded and normally it would not be a big deal, but all of the sudden it was. As much as I didn't mind catching up on things, at the moment I didn't care. My friend did come out and began chatting. I thought I heard the soft voice of the lady in the stall but wasn't sure, and my friend kept talking. I glanced over at the stall twice to see if I could make out if she was moving about. I did hear her. I interrupted my friend and turned to the stall door. Yes, she answered, she could use some help. She was having a hard time getting back into the chair. It seemed like the brake was not on all the way and she could not slide back into it.

Once again, I painfully fumbled about trying to assist her back into her chair. Should I hold the chair steady, should I help her hold her weight with one arm, both? Somehow, without much help from me, she did manage to get back into her chair. She could not get the foot pegs in place and there just wasn't much room in the stall, so I told her I'd get her out and we'd manage it once outside the stall. Once again, I pushed her through the door fee first, instead of backing up. I pushed the door open and tried to get her through it before it closed on her. Ugh! This was awful. The door nearly hit her as I pushed it out of the way again. We got around the corner and I pushed her to one side of the room. Then I attempted to lock her foot pegs back in place. I got one, then lifted her foot and put it in what I thought was the right place. I swung the other one forward until I heard a click, then lifted that leg and placed her foot on the platform. I then pushed her chair out the door to where her husband was patiently waiting. He thanked me for helping and took over pushing her chair. Then I realized I didn't even let her wash her hands or even offer the hand cleaner.

The whole experience haunted me during the drive home. I didn't even ask her name. I didn't greet her, ask how she was doing. Nothing. Why didn't I at least engage her in a conversation? When I felt so inadequate, why didn't I tell her I wasn't sure how to do this, could she direct me to what would work best.

Tonight the whole scenario is still with me. I want to be able to help, but I am going to have to get a whole lot more comfortable. Just like when I was in the Dermatologist's office last week. A woman came in who was deaf. She did have someone there to interpret, but I still wanted to be of some assistance. I have been learning sign language with my 2 year old grandson. Somehow asking her if she wanted juice, milk, cracker, cookie, etc. did not seem adequate. Did I know how to say hello, my name is...and ask her how she was. Well, yes, but I have not had a lot of practice with reading sign language. What if she signed something back that I didn't understand and then I did not have a way to communicate that I didn't understand.

The Lord is teaching me much and this is just the beginning I'm sure. I have much to ponder, but in some way, can't help but think this incident will help with my grandson. As he gets older, others may be uncomfortable with him. There is already awkward silence when sometime tried to engage him in a conversation. I don't feel the need to go into an explanation of why he doesn't talk or why he seems different, but I usually try to offer, "he doesn't talk." But that is probably not sufficient, as it might leave others with the impression that he also doesn't understand. But truthfully, does he understand? We don't have the answers either, so the Lord will have to keep training me. I'm sure I will have many more experiences to learn from, no matter how humbling they may be.