Only 5 More Times
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven
Brian will only have to put his father to bed 5 more times. His father has decided to be sedated on Saturday. The sedation will hasten his death and basically put him in a coma. He will remain in bed. No more late nights for Brian to tuck his father in bed again.
A time to kill
This makes me angry. I do not know why this man has chosen to do so. In my finite mind, I believe God gives us only so many days to live out on this earth. In everything there is a purpose...even in those very dark and difficult days where it is nearly impossible to catch one's breath. I think it is selfish and self-centered to try to end one's days before it is time.
And a time to heal
I think about our beloved pets. When one becomes sick, aged or is "suffering" we decide to put it down to bring relief from the pain. But whose pain are we really intending to ease? Is it truly to help the animal, or is it we who cannot endure the pain of watching them? We want to escape the burden of feeling their hurt. We don't want to be sad any longer. We want to move on.
A time to weep
Is this what motivates Brian's father? Is he trying to ease his own suffering, or does it hurt to see his son in agony over his father's condition? If he is sedated, he will no longer have to feel the pain he sees on his son's face. He won't glimpse the tears welling in his eyes. Again, it seems so selfish, a coward's way out.
A time to break down
What if after he is sedated, good news arrives? What if the conception of a new baby is discovered? A time to be born, And a time to laugh The grandfather will miss out, because he has chosen to numb his last hours and days of life-to not live, but to linger.
A time to love
Maybe I am the selfish one, wanting to see this man live through Christmas. I don't want our holidays marred by sadness. Since Elisabeth is dating Brian the grief saturates her life, and flows out to the rest of the family.
A time to mourn
Elisabeth went to class today, but her instructor could tell something was wrong. She questioned her, and by the second asking, Elisabeth was in tears. She shared her pain. The instructor began crying. It was the anniversary of her own mother's death. I think maybe this woman needed someone to share her own pain. She also, having been down this path, had something to give to my daughter. She understood some of what Brian is dealing with. It was a good conversation.
And A time to embrace
God works in mysterious ways. We don't always see how He is putting the pieces together. Others say I can't know what I'd do without living in the situation. But I don't want to be the one who tries to complete the puzzle. I want to wait and let Him work them in and at some point, step to the other side and see the completed work.
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak
Death is a part of life.
And a time to die
4 comments:
Oh Joanne. This was so sad and so beautiful. I's so glad Elisabeth was able to talk with that teacher, at least one small blessing came from this situation.
I used to be a Social Worker and Bereavement Coordinator for two Hospice programs years ago. I have watched people live until they die and others exist until they die. There were times when I was sure I knew who would fight and who would give up. I was often wrong.
You have voiced real, beautiful, raw emotion. Your anger is justified and not. I want to be submissive to God's design and plan for my life. I wonder what I will do in the end? Your love for Brian, Elisabeth and Brian's father is evident.
Hold on to the Lord. He is on His throne and is capable of all things. Love, live, grieve and be there for each other, including Brian's Dad and a decision that is hard to understand.
Alas, death is a part of life. Seems that it is difficult to face no matter what the circumstance.
*Hugs-a-bunch*
So sad. No words.
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