I went shopping today. I tried on clothes and was disappointed that every single outfit made me look fat. At what point do I stop and tell myself, "maybe it isn't the clothes?"
I: Hey, self. Maybe it isn't the clothes.
Self: What? Of course it's the clothes. I am NOT this fat.
I: Well, I'm just saying. Everything you've tried on so far has been, umm...tight. And maybe, just maybe, it is not the fault of the clothing.
Self: Shut up!
Silence.
Self: Maybe it it the lighting in these darn dressing rooms. Look how pale I look. It must be the lighting and the mirrors. I know I don't look this bad at home.
I: What about those slimming jeans. You know, the one that have a built in thingy to hold your tummy in so it doesn't pooch out.
Self: Hmmm...ok, I'll give it a try.
I: Well, I hate to say it.
Self: What the freak is wrong with these jeans??? Yeah, sure they hold in the part that is tucked and zipped. But what about the other part of my belly mushrooming over the top of my jeans. That doesn't look very slimming. I'm suing for false advertising.
I: I see you are not having a good day. By-the-way, do you realize that saying "what-the-freak" is really just a substitute for a swear word? It isn't much different than swearing. And you know how you are about not swearing. You go around telling everyone how offensive it is. Do you think some might find "what the freak" offensive?
Self: I am not having this conversation with you. Who asked you anyway? Certainly not I. Or maybe it was I.
6 comments:
haha, joanne! you and self are so funny! i have to say that dressing room lighting is the worst so i put blame on that.
I just had a similar conversation with myself this week! Things just seem to distribute differently as I get older! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I love this connection to others. Hope to see you again soon!
My butt just chuckled. ;o)
This is a riot.
Oh my that made me laugh!!!!
I agree FALSE ADVERTISING!
LOL
Thanks for the laugh Joanne! I know all too well what you are saying here. This time of the year is especially hard for me to cut back. I'm always starting my diet tomorrow. I'm frustrated with myself. I don't fit into my clothes like I should. At all.
I'm starting my diet tomorrow. And,this time I mean it!! (I think).
Post a Comment