Valentine's Day Part 3 (Hopefully the Last One)

As Valentine's Day approached, I just did not feel very creative. I have been distracted by a lot of things. I mentioned I try to remind my kids how much they are loved so they aren't hurt on this day. But as they get older, it gets harder and harder to do something special (without spending LOTS of money.) Almost gone are the days of love notes, stuffed animals, and candy. I don't think they will ever outgrow the love notes. The hard part is trying not to say the same thing every year. Also, I've always thought it important to NOT say the same thing to each child or it minimizes the meaning and thought. So how do you say "I love you, you're important/special to me, I appreciate you, 5 different ways, year-after-year, without repeating yourself???

While out shopping, I noticed these cute little stuffed animals. My 16 year old has always had a fondness of dogs. (Her room is still decorated in the 101 Dalmation theme.) These were small little dogs so I picked up 2. One for her and one for her younger sister. I figured the oldest 3 would definately not appreciate a stuffed animal, at least not from me. Of course I got Ethan one too.

As I packed Sarabeth and Hilary's lunches Valentine's morning, along with a note and candy, I stuffed these dogs in their lunch pails.

When it came time to pick them up from the bus stop, I grabbed some chocolate Valentine candy. Chocolate makes you feel good, right? I saw Sarabeth get off the bus carrying a rose and her stuffed dog. She was smiling. Hilary approached the car looking not so happy. Of the two girls who ride with us, one carried a rose too. Once inside the car, I passed out the bags of candy declaring, "we all need chocolate on Valentine's Day." Three of the kids excitedly thanked me, opened the candy and began eating. The fourth, Hilary, didn't respond. As I was pulling the car away from the school she finally blurted out, "is this all I get for Valentine's Day?" She then tossed the candy to the floor with "are you trying to make me fat?"

My first thought was to immediately address this ungrateful, snotty attitude. I am still learning as a parent, but one of my goals is to respond appropriately in a situation-not react emotionally. I am sure the other kids in the car were aghast at Hilary's rudeness, along with no reaction from me. I knew her day had obviously not gone well. It is no excuse to take it out on others, but at that point correcting the behavior of someone who is hurt and lashing out is wasting my effort.

Later we were finally able to talk. She had sent a singing telegram to a fellow student with her own money. Most of her friends had received flowers or telegrams. She hadn't received anything. (Last year I'd had each of the girls "secretly" send something to the other. I had decided not to repeat that. Should have done it anyway.) And to make matters worse, when she opened her lunch box, she said all of the kids laughed and made fun of her. She said the dog was ugly and it humiliated her. Ouch! (I am now nominated for the "Bad Mother Of The Year Award.") But, Grrrr...junior high kids make me mad. Why do they laugh and make fun of one another. And why does my child worry so much about what other people think? Could she not have ignored them and instead gushed that it was sweet and pretended like she enjoyed this? No, I guess that would be asking too much.

Sigh. Next year I am cancelling Valentine's Day at my house.