The past few days have left me wondering if I am a real mother. Today I took one 6 year old boy to the grocery store. I needed just a few things: milk, ham steaks, & parsley (I killled what was growing in my garden.) At the grocery store, I was distracted and harried. I forgot the milk. I walked in the house shaking my head. I asked Michael how in the world I ever took 5 kids grocery shopping week after week without losing my head.
I have had Ethan since very early Thursday morning. His mom is out-of-town until tomorrow night. He has made amazing progress in school and therapy. This should make my job easier, right? He communicates in so many ways. He is using sign language again. Ethan looks at me and gestures with his hands.
"What do you need, little buddy?"
He keeps signing. Over and over because I don't get it. I have no idea what this sign is. He says something to me sounding as if he is fluent in a foreign language. But I don't speak this language. Nobody speaks his language. He continues to plead with me via hand motions. I don't know what he is saying. I hear the frustration in his voice. I begin offering him things. Juice, toys, anything I can think of. He begins melting down. He screams. He throws his transformer car across the room. He grabs the first thing he can reach, a DVD. He bites down hard, leaving teeth marks in the disc.
I don't blame him. He has no way to make me understand. I have no idea how to parent him in my daughter's absence. I don't know how to grandparent him at this moment. I fall to my knees. It's the only place I know to go. I feel so inadequate. Caring for a child shouldn't be this difficult.
12 comments:
Oh sweet Joanne, I feel terribly for you that you are feeling this way. I admit I would react the same way though. I often think God allows us to feel inadequate so we'll remember that He is more than adequate. Poor little Ethan, I hope you two were able to connect again last night after things calmed down.
P.S. I haven't noticed any trouble with my page, and no one else has mentioned it so far. I don't know if it had a glitch yesterday? I will keep an eye on it!
Joanne, I am so sorry you are feeling inadequate. It's obvious you are a wonderful grandmother.
I think jewels is right. It's hard when a child's needs can't be communicated. My heart goes out to Ethan and to you.
Bless you!! Caring for a child who knows exactly what he wants and can't communicate it is so frustrating!!! Too bad you couldn't join him on the floor in a tantrum--probably would have felt good. Might be paradoxical therapy for him to see that you are frustrated too!
Can he draw a picture??? I know you want to train him to sign, but flash cards with common needs on them work really well in the absence of two-way language.
Prayers. You're obviously a wonderful grandmother -- voluntarily taking him for a few days shows that. These are learning experiences for him too -- to learn how to communicate. Your love and willingness to try to understand are just what he needs to accomplish that.
I just read this http://www.5minutesformom.com/3846/i-brake-for-meltdowns/
after I left your blog. Looks interesting. Must have been a weekend for "Meltdowns"
Oh how frustrating that must have been, for both of you! I agree with pj that flashcards might have helped in that situation...
At any rate, you are a wonderful mom and grandma, I think that is obvious! Feeling inadequate is no fun, but I hope you both are doing better today.
(((HUGS)))
Jenni
I am so there with you! Jackie is starting to talk more. She really works hard to ask for things in sentences. Sometimes I understand her, but she keeps asking me for something that we just can't understand. It sounds like she's saying lease. But what's that? She'll say, "I want lease!" I've offered her many things and she gets so mad. But I ask her to go show me or point to it and she won't, she just keeps asking. She's frustrated, I'm frustrated. UGH!!!!!! I can relate Joanne!
(((HUGS)))
I'm so so sorry you are feeling this way right now. You are definitely not inadequate. ((hugs)) to you.
Oh, Joanne -- big ((hugs)) I can't imagine the frustration on BOTH your parts. It's sort of like an infant who is crying and can't communicate their needs. Sometimes, it's just scary. But that little guy knows you love him and take care of him. I hope you have much better times ahead.
Oh. *Hugs-a-bunch*
((((Joanne)))) It is so hard when you truly are from two foreign lands. You are a great mom and grandmom. I hope the day got better.
oh man! i totally hate that for you, but there is hope! you will learn the language, you really will... and it won't be long before you're both a LOT less frustrated!
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