Parenting

I am not a mean mom. Never was. My goal in parenting is to help my children become responsible, successful, loving, respectful adults. In other words, all that God desires for them to be. I've heard people say children should come with a manual as they often have no idea how to be a parent. If done with honor, love, and integrity, I think a parent will get it right.

Some parents pride themselves on being a "mean mom or mean dad." To counteract the permissive parenting of the 80's and not wanting to resort to being a control freak, they have chosen to embrace a manipulation style of raising their children. They see it as a better way than the strict "do-it-or-else" disciplinarian. I think it is one step worse. Mean parents think they are clever, but their methods are cruel.

A friend of mine recently posted a technique she uses in parenting. Tired of reminding her children about forgotten chores, she came up with a solution. Her child heads off to school in the morning and doesn't empty the trash like he knows he's supposed to do. When said child returns home, he finds the contents of the forgotten trash can dumped upon his bed.

Some of you may be laughing right now, thinking this parent is brilliant & saying, "I'll bet the kid won't let that happen again." Is her goal to train up a child to become a responsible adult or is she merely wanting her children to comply to her own wishes and demands? Does she realize what this teaches her child?

She has just taught her child that when someone makes you mad, it is ok to retaliate. When someone doesn't comply with your wishes, it is ok to damage their property. But the loudest message issued is "I don't respect or value you." A parent who disrespects her own children and family members is training them to have little or no regard for others. Basically her actions tell the child he is not valued. Why else would his bed be full of garbage? This parent believes she has one a chore battle when in reality the child has lost his worth. He grows up "doing unto others, the way his parents did unto him," because he has no respect for himself or others.

This training perpetuates the prevalent thought in society: We want our own way regardless of how it affects another person. Instead of responsible adults, we have selfish, self-centered people who believe it is ok to trash others in order have things their own way. Sadly, these parents truly love their children and seem to have no idea why their children become out-of-control, especially as teenagers.