"I lost that one""
"I felt the back of my head...they tend to bleed a lot. Must have hit some gravel."
I continued taking pictures of myself. Unfortunately, when you have a head injury you don't think clearly. When my daughter suggested I go to the ER I told her "heads bleed a lot. If it doesn't stop, I will go in."
It did stop bleeding and the four of us sat down and ate dinner. It's disturbing to me to think we did this and I never even changed my clothes. I'm sure my family really didn't know what to do. I've always been pretty self sufficient and they trusted me when I said "I'm okay."
Shortly after dinner, I went to bed. In the morning, I got out of bed and realized things were NOT normal. I couldn't walk straight. I was dizzy. I ran into the wall. I was scared. I got up and sat in a chair waiting for Michael to wake up.
When he did, I told him I thought I needed to to go the ER as something was wrong. So he took me. After many hours and tests, the doctors suggested I stay over night for observation since I still walked like a drunken sailor no matter how hard I focused and tried to walk a straight line down the hallway.
I sat there as my sweet husband told them, "no she wants to go home." I was confused. We had not discussed this, nor had I said this. Later I realized he was going off of my "normal" self. I don't like taking meds I want to be at home etc. But this time, I hear his voice saying "No she wants to go home" and my head is spinning. I want to say, "no! something is terribly wrong! Please don't send me home, nobody is there to take care of me." But I say nothing. I sit there. I'm confused. I desperately want someone to take care of me. I vaguely recall when I was last under anesthesia for a bone graft and post placement for a dental implant. Apparently on the way home I wanted a Starbucks and I had to go to the bathroom. I have absolutely no recollection of it, but was told later that I went into the store by myself wearing the icepack around my head. Later at home I asked about the icepack and where it was and was told, well you took it off. This is from someone who trusts me and trusts that I have a clue what I'm doing. When you are under anesthesia or head injury or many other instances, the person no matter how trustworthy, cannot be trusted. They need someone to take care of them, to make decisions for them, to help them, to step in when they aren't really making sense and even when they are they still need help.
I was scared, but reluctantly went home. I slept 8-10 hours at night, then would take a 4-6 hour nap every day. This is so not me. After a few days knowing something was terribly wrong, I asked to be taken to the doctor. True to my normal self, my sweet husband drove me but then dropped me off thinking I'd prefer to go by myself. Yes, under normal circumstances, but these were not normal times. I don't recall him even asking just assuming I was my normal self. Sadly, because of my head injury I wasn't able to express myself and I was scared to tell him I couldn't go by myself. I felt like such a failure. I got out of the car and went to the appointment myself.
I will end here as I don't see a reason to continue about the failures of my doctors and my own failures not being able to advocate for myself. The reason I am posting is to say, if you have a loved one who has a possible head injury do NOT trust what they say or what is their usual normal. Please get them help and help them in every way you can. If they get angry/beligerent and that is not their normal, please know it is not them it is the injury.
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