More On Manners

I should have been thrilled, but I wasn't. The grandparents were watching the children for a couple of hours and Michael and I were going out. We rarely went anywhere as a couple, but I was less than excited. Dread would better describe my emotions.

I'd agreed to meet with some old friends of Michael's-from his BMW days. (Yes, he did drive a BMW as a single man. I think of those times as his "Before My Wife" days.) Being 9 years older than me, as were most of his friends, I often felt like a child sitting in a group of adults. Some of the friends I'd met were easily 10-15 years older. The men usually talked computers and business, of which I knew nothing. The women all had established careers, while my life revolved around my children and church. How could I carry on an intelligent conversation? This couple we were meeting didn't even have children. I got out of the car feeling like a total misfit.

Upon entering the restaurant, greetings were exchanged and introductions made. Kyle & Cheryl seemed like a nice enough couple, but I was still uncomfortable. As we took our seats, I noticed that Kyle pulled his wife's chair out and waited for her to be seated, before taking his own. Should I wait for my husband to slide my chair out for me? I looked over. He was already sitting. I quickly sat down.

Have you ever been at a fancy restaurant in a large group setting? You are sitting uncomfortably with people you don't know well. Your place setting has more glasses and silverware than you would normally use in an entire day. Not knowing how to start a conversation, you reach for your water glass. As you gulp down the icy cold water, you observe the person next to you. An uneasiness grips you and your mind gets foggy. Is the water glass placed on the right or left? Being right-handed you instinctively grabbed the one closest to you. While that cold is choking in your throat, you can't be for certain, but yes, you have mistakenly taken a drink from someone else's water glass. Awkwardly you hold the glass close to your lips. Should you quickly put it back, hoping nobody else noticed? Should you announce to all that you are clueless about table settings? Or do you act like it belongs to you, forcing the victim to deal with it? This is how I was feeling as I sat at the table with this couple.

Before our food arrived, Cheryl excused herself to the powder room. Has anyone seriously powdered themselves in there??? Kyle stood to his feet. Was he going with her? He pushed her chair in, and sat back down. As his wife made her way back to the table, Kyle once again rose to his feet and pulled out his wife's chair. I had witnessed this type of polite behavior in very old movies, but never in real life.

By this time, I needed to use the restroom. Would it seem rude to just get up and go? I wasn't used to excusing myself to use the powder room and I knew if I tried it would sound silly. Would Kyle feel the need to stand when I stood? Would my husband look like he didn't have any manners if he continued sitting? I decided to wait it out. I was thankful when Michael excused himself to visit the bathroom. I quickly said, "I'll go too." As I rose, so did Kyle. When I returned, he rose again.

This incident has played in my mind many times. I don't think anyone teaches a young man to acknowledge a lady's presence by standing anymore. I suppose it seems quite a silly thing to do. But I wonder. How would I, as a woman, feel if everytime I entered a room, men would stand at attention? Would this act be a silent command of respect to all parties? Surely, even a hardened feminist would feel important and valued at this gesture. Why do we bother with manners at all?Are they not about giving honor and dignity to one another? In showing respect, we speak to others that we value them-they are important enough to make the extra effort. Could the lack of manners in our society be one of the biggest ills affecting theyounger generation? Could this be why they feel lost and unimportant?