Hilary came home from a basketball game and was upset. I won't bore you with the petty details of what transpires between girls sometimes. But prior to the game, one of her classmates slapped her across the face. Honestly, I was shocked. I have never in my life slapped anyone, ever. Nor have I ever been slapped. Is this normal? It certainly isn't in my circle of life.
In this day of zero tolerance of violence/harrassment in schools, what would you do? Rather than get in a scuffle, Hilary chose to walk away. She did tell her coach, who said she'd speak with the other coach about the girl's behavior. That was Friday and as far as I know, nothing happened.
My mother's heart wants to call the principal and ask what course of action should be taken. I also thought about calling the parents. But maybe this is normal behavior in the girl's home. Maybe she is slapped by her parents and so it was a "natural" reaction for her to do the same. I feel that a slap to one's face is not only painful, but humiliating-especially when performed in front of others.
Hilary was upset, but didn't want to make a big deal out of it. She wanted to let her coach deal with it. So do I just let it go?
10 comments:
well, because it's not civilized, legal, or Christian to do what I would want to do, here's my second best advice....
Chat with your girl about what SHE can do to handle it... you know, give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach him to fish and you feed him for a lifetime...and then help her along the way. I know from bullying (i was a victim several times) experience that having your mom step in often makes for a worse problem, but handling it right yourself earns you a bit of respect and a lot less grief in the long run.
Have an open dialogue about what she could do, and help her think it out..."and then what do you think will likely happen" as far out as you can play it. The nice thing that she'll have is the knowledge is that you are ready to step in and protect her at any point... and that you're cheering her on (and praying hard) until she needs you.
wow. that was a long comment. hope i don't sound like a know-it-all... i'm still figuring all this out too! so far, this approach has been working pretty well for me though. hope it will for you, too- whatever you decide to do!
Holy cow, Joanne! There is no excuse for the other girl's behavior and I find it very disturbing that nothing is being done---especially in this "zero tolerance" age where a plastic knife in a lunch box can get you suspended.
It's so hard. You want to respect your daughter's wishes and obvious maturity. I have no doubt she can "handle it" but I worry that the lack of school involvement will send the message that bullying is tolerated. I know the school your daughters attend and am really surprised at this.
I have no idea what you should do. Wish I did. Hugs for you and your daughter.
Aw Joanne, how painful! You are absolutely right that it is humiliating as well.
I'm thinking that I would follow your daughter's lead and let her dictate what gets done about it, but be sure to let her know that you are ready to intervene if things get any hotter.
"Turn the other cheek" just couldn't get any more literal, could it?
I agree with the other ladies. Your daughter is almost grown and needs to know how to handle things. I agree that as long as she knows (1) you're respecting her wishes and (2) you're ready to back her up, it will be all she needs to handle this her way. It's an unfortunate situation, but I think she sounds very mature and that this will only help her further along in her quest to be more Christlike. And, I, too, am appalled about a face slap. I agree that that is a particularly offensive attack. Almost as a personal assault, unlike other "hits". I'll pray for your wisdom in guiding your daughter.
His girl, thank-you for your input. I appreciate your long comment and excellent suggestions. You are wised. We glean from one another.
Gretchen-those were my thoughts.
Jenni, hmmm...turning the other cheek, yes, quite literal. Makes me think longer about the whole idea. I always thought about mistreatment, but not in the case of humiliation.
Mylinda, thanks for the encouragement and prayer for wisdom-the thing we need most these days.
Oh, Joanne, I can't imagine how upset you must be (and your daughter.) It definitely doesn't sound like something that schools usually tolerate.
I guess I would spout and threaten, then calm down and see what my daughter wants to do.
If it is a friend of hers, it could be really awkward and if it's not, your daughter might want to forget it.
Of course, I would pay close attention and see if it is the beginning of harrassment or hostility toward her.
Yes, that's painful in more ways than one. ::hugs::
As a teacher, my first instinct is: absolutely call the principal.
BUT...since your maturing daughter doesn't want you to do that, be sure you follow up with her on what happens next time she encounters that girl, or that treatment. Be sure she knows that it is OKAY to go to authority and that if she chooses to do so, you'll either go with her, or back her up.
His Girl's open dialogue is a great idea. Just be sure to keep things open (indignation light and supportive!) so that she'll share the next time.
The "How did you feel" "That would make me angry too" "I'm so proud that you could walk away" kind of remarks will keep avenues of communication open.
This immediately makes my hackles start to rise... Then "turning the other cheek" comes to mind...
I believe Hilary already handled the situation beautifully. She walked away. That took love. :o)
I admire Hilary so much for walking away from that. In my teen years I would have completley lashed out and fought back.
She may not ever forget it and might think back on it from time to time, but she can know she did the right thing.
When I read, my stomach went in a knot. Unbelievable. I know you will handle it well; I could not begin to advise you, but the others' advice sounds good. Just know that I felt wounded, so I can imagine what you felt when she told you and as you have relived it thinking about what to do. God bless you.
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