By The Light Of Day

We arrived at the center right on time, 6 a.m. Daylight savings time causes this hour to look and feel like the dark age, err...middle of the night. For the second time in history, I left the house with no makeup. I didn't even shower. Scary. The black of night isn't such a bad thing. Besides, nobody would have recognized me.

After checking in at admissions, Michael and I sat down to wait. And wait. Finally a nurse appeared. She called my name. As we walked through the swinging, double doors, she asked me, "how'd your prep go?"

"What prep?" I asked a bit alarmed.

She turned her head curiously. "You know, that stuff you had to drink and all."

"There was no prep. I didn't do anything." I sounded defensive.

The nurse stopped dead in her tracks and turned toward me. "You mean the prep didn't produce any results?"

"I mean, I wasn't given any instructions on how to prepare for this. Well, except to come looking like I just crawled out of bed." She wasn't amused.

"Aren't you here for a colonoscopy?"

"No, I am not." I now knew what results she'd been talking about. I'm slow when I miss out on my morning coffee.

"Well, maybe I have the wrong patient. What is your name?" Are you serious lady? You just stood in the waiting room, called my first and last name, and I dutifully followed you. I pointed to my name on her chart.

"That's me." She quickly pulled it away and made me repeat my name and spell my last name. I felt like a child who'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar and tried to lie about it. While the parent does her best to get me to confess to what she already knows.

Exasperated, the nurse finally asks, "then what are you here for?" If I wasn't anxious about this procedure already, I was now.

"An endoscopy."

"Well, it says here colonoscopy. Someone must have written it down wrong. Wait here, I'll be right back."

Thankfully, the rest of my time at the Center went a little better. Well, except for when this same confused nurse jabbed and poked in her attempt to place an I.V. in my hand. After my little nap and scoping, I returned home. I promptly fell asleep and slept for 7 hours. It's weird to wake up at 4 in the afternoon. If the time hadn't changed it would have felt more like morning, as it wouldn't be so light outside. I wish they'd quit changing the time on me. The procedure photos they sent home with me would have looked less gross in darker lighting.